The Worst Of Bollywood: 2013

The bigger your box office collection, the bigger your star power, the more chances you have of making it to this illustrious list. Of course you also need to have sucked enough for me to take notice.

So presenting in chronological order, to the tune of drumrolls, the Worst Bollywood Movies of 2013.

(Dimaag Ka) Rape 2

Draw four points – A, B, C and D. Now draw as many lines as possible between any two of them so that you have space for no more. If the four points represent Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone, John Abraham and Jacqueline Fernandez and the lines represent betrayal, you have the plot of Race 2. The focus entirely is on showing off swanky automobiles and other things in the manner of swanky.  A bad beginning for the year.

ABCD: Any Body Can Direct

ABCD has some of the most eye popping music videos ever seen on the Indian screen. But everything in between is terribly amateurish. Think of a dance movie cliché and you will find it here. Its as if Remo D’Souza only concentrated on the choreography and kept everything else on auto-pilot. When Prabhu Deva dances, his feet barely touch the ground, but when he acts, his eyes barely come off the ground.

Aashiqui 2 Aargh-shitty 2

The first Aashiqui succeeded because it had a tremendous score by Nadeem-Shravan. Aashiqui 2 seems to have one song played over and over again. Add to that an inept performance by Aditya Roy Kapoor. Gestures completely bypass his visage. Shraddha Kapoor fares a little better but really, what are we comparing her with? How this film was one of the bigger hits of the year is a mystery. Sun raha hai na, so raha hu main…

 Himmatwala: A Sajid Khan Brain-damager

Many years from today, when some bored movie buff will compile a list of the worst movies ever made in Bollywood, Sajid Khan’s Himmatwala will merit consideration. A remake that never should have been made, it is difficult to find language strong enough to put it down. Every scene, every aspect of the film infuriates you. Which only makes one wonder…was this intentional?

 Yeh Kahaani Hai Purani

While writing about Average Bollywood films for 2013, I wrote that any film with Ranbir Kapoor can’t be altogether boring Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani proves me wrong. With Wake Up Sid, Ayan Mukherji emerged as a new voice from the Dharma stables. But with Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani he has remolded himself in their image. This is a patch work of so many Yashraj-Dharma movies. A bespectacled repressed heroine, a mischief mongering hero, a journey of self-realisation, a household buried under wedding preparations, the heroine already hooked up with someone else, etc. etc.  You have not just seen it all before, you are also tired of it.

Emraan Hashmi in Ghanchakkar Ghanchakkar Kya Hai

The WTF movie of the year. Up until a certain point in the movie…to be precise the bank robbery scene, I thought this was going to be one interesting watch. Emran Hashmi in a role that requires him to more than pucker up and Vidya Balan providing able support. But then it started get more and more bizarre. The last scene shot in a local train is easily the greatest WTF scene of the year. As Vidya Balan’s character would have said – “Hayyyynnnn!”

Chen-nahiiiiiiiiii Express

Is there any actor more annoying than a Shah Rukh Khan hamming it up like there is no tomorrow. Every time he says “Don’t underestimate the power of a common man”, I feel like uprooting the armrests and flinging them at the screen. Deepika Padukone puts on a Tamil accent which Tamil speakers tell me is completely out of place. But anything goes to please the masses. Just because, the South Indian market also needs to be captured, include a larger than life poster of Rajnikant and make a song-n-dance about it. The worst part is all of this actually works at the box office!

Grand MastiGrand Sasti

I thought that between the first Masti and the two Kya Cool movies, all cheap comedy and double meaning jokes had been exhausted. But then why not repeat the same puns again. So you have takes on bananas, coconuts, lemons, pussies and other such metaphors for genitalia. Even scenes have been lifted straight from Hollywood films. When you start noticing the vulgarity in a sex comedy, you know things haven’t quite gone right for the writers.

 Krazy-shit 3

If you have kids, expose them to stuff like Tom and Jerry or Mickey Mouse or Giant Robot. By showing them this tripe (and you have, Rs. 200 crore can’t be wrong), you are permanently damaging their good taste. They will grow up appreciating bad special effects, indifferent acting and a superhero who isn’t super. Another sequel has been threatened. We need a Cine-Man to rescue us from Krrish.

Aamir Khan in Dhoom 3Gloom 3

Ever so frequently, Aamir Khan comes out with movies that make us question his credibility as an actor. Mangal Pandey, Ghajini and now Dhoom 3. Playing an autistic character, his name is more Khan than Rainman. As for the movie, it is the weakest entry in an already weak franchise. Vijay Krishna Acharya keeps repeating gimmicks over and over again until the film finally ends. Though I don’t think it’s going put an end to the franchise.

You can read my list of best  films and average films of 2013 here and here.You can also read my list of best,average and worst Bollywood films of 2012 here, here and here.

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11 thoughts on “The Worst Of Bollywood: 2013

  1. The only two movies I watched among this list were Ghanchakkar and Race 2.

    I agree Race 2 was bad, but I totally dig Ghanchakkar. And I simply can’t understand why people don’t like this film. Its novel, its real, its original, and above all, its wholeheartedly Indian.

      • HAHAHAHA :D! *Brushes dust off my shoulders*

        but anyway, guys! my review is tagged on why I liked Ghanchakkar. Do read it and comment if you may. 🙂

    • @Ashwin: This year, I watched movies only if:

      1. A friend of mine booked a ticket (like in case of Besharam, Race 2), or
      2. I was desperate to watch a film (like in case of Lootera (What a letdown), Matru Ki…, Lunchbox, Ship of theseus, Ghanchakkar (ok, I was not desperate for Ghanchakkar, but curious for sure, and I was quite surprised) ).

  2. Ok Chennai Express, Krrish ,Aashiqui 2 were headache inducing. One film i guess you missed was Once Upon Ay Time in Mumbai Dobara. Nasha, Zindagi 50-50 and Supermodel should have been in the list. Not watched Ghanchakkar. I would not say YJHD was bad, Policegiri and Zilla Ghaziabad were worthy contenders of this list.

  3. I love the way you have written all these compilation posts Devang. Haven’t yet seen Aashiqui 2 and ABCD in it’s entirety yet. But whatever portions of Aashiqui 2 I saw was annoying. And not to forget that endless overexposure to the songs esp. the title song which one still keeps hearing at different places. Kills the charm of the songs which are otherwise good. It seems like Aditya Roy Kapoor walked on to the sets of YJHD straight off from the sets Aashiqui 2. His role in both the films is similar.
    Race 2, Himmatwala, Krrish 3, Dhoom 3, Grand Masti without doubt deserve a place in this list. Once Upon a Time In Mumbai Dobaara, Boss, Yamla Pagla Deewana 2, Policegiri, Zilla Ghaziabad amongst others should definitely find a mention here.
    I found YJHD quite cliched and annoying , still I feel it doesn’t quite belong here.
    Ghanchakkar is yet another film that shouldn’t have been here. The film is quirky and watchable with an unexpected twist. If only it wasn’t stretched without reason and would have been a 90-100 minute thriller , it would have been a much better film. But yes after seeing it a re-run of it on the TV , i ma pretty much convinced Vidya Balan was annoying.

  4. IMO less than half the films on this list deserve a ‘worst’ status but of course this is your take Devang & I respect it :). My list would probably be like this- Himmatwala,Zanjeer,Policegiri,Zila Ghaziabad,Besharam,OUATIMD,Krrish 3,Dhoom 3,Jackpot,Yamla Pagla Deewana 2. And there are films like Rajjo,Rangrezz,Satya 2, Issaq etc too which are so super-bad that even a die-hard movie buff like me couldn’t drag myself to the theatre to watch them.If I’d probably seen them maybe a couple of my top 10 (like maybe a Besharam) may get replaced.

    • Your list does not include Chennai Express!!!! I thought that would be the default choice for all ‘Worst’ lists this year.

      • No I have no problem with Chennai Express,it was meant to be an entertainer and succeeded partly on that front for me.Its that typical big film which doesn’t affect me at all.Neither would it feature on my Top 10 Best or Worst films 🙂

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